How to handle the news that you aren’t having the gender you thought you were going to have.
At 16 weeks, we went to have a 3D/4D gender scan at a non-medical ultrasound facility. We were stoked to the see the baby in 3D, get a video we could watch, and most of all, not have to wait 3 more weeks to know the sex.
As I have mentioned before in my last post, What’s Sex Got to Do With it?, I already have two beautiful girls from a previous marriage, and even though this is Mark’s first baby, we were really hoping to have a son. We had two main reasons, one was of course the fact that I already had two girls and wanted a son. The other reason was that to me, a son would leave less room for jealousy and favoritism.
So, we attempted all the methods to increase our chances for a boy, and even had most of the old wives sex predictions come out boy. Mark was so convinced that we were having a boy that he was not even going to consider it might be a girl. Boy, did he set himself (and me) up for failure.
It took the tech quite a while to get the baby and the scanner to line up right with it’s sex parts. But as she narrowed in on the area I noticed the tell tale sign I had seen before – the hamburger. Right then the tech said, “OK, I can see it now, it’s a girl!” OH BOY.
My heart sank. It’s not that I was not excited to have another sweetheart, but it meant for me that this was it. This was my last baby, my last chance to have a son, and it was at that moment the dreams and ideas of our son had died.
I tried to keep it together while we went out of lunch, but at home I broke down and cried as Mark listened and become my rock as he always does. We both agreed that as shocking as it was, we knew there was always a 50/50 chance. We also realized that although we were sad about not having a son, this did not mean we weren’t happy to welcome our third daughter.
I wrote a post on one of the mom’s boards about it and of course lots of moms chimed in who were in similar situations. That helped to know I wasn’t the only one feeling sad, and that it was natural.
Today I woke up with a better attitude and came up with five things that made me feel better:
- My closest and dearest friend just had a baby boy, so I can live vicariously through her, and spend time with him.
- I will be writing a letter to my baby girl to explain how much I love her regardless of her not being a boy, and explain the situation so when she’s older she can read it. I would hate for her to hear from her sisters or reading my blog that mommy was sad and for her to misunderstand that as me not wanting or loving her.
- I get to buy all new clothes since I had long ago gave away all the girls clothes. We went shopping today and got some really cute outfits.
- Someday Mark and I may adopt a boy.
- Since I have 3 girls its very likely that I will have grandchildren (more likely than if I had boys) and one of them may be a grandson.
Even as I write this, I honestly can say that I am starting to come to terms with having another girl. I cannot wait to meet her and see what an amazing little person she will become, as I already know she will be special.