Surprise! You aren’t having a boy (or girl) after all


How to handle the news that you aren’t having the gender you thought you were going to have.


At 16 weeks, we went to have a 3D/4D gender scan at a non-medical ultrasound facility. We were stoked to the see the baby in 3D, get a video we could watch, and most of all, not have to wait 3 more weeks to know the sex.

As I have mentioned before in my last post, What’s Sex Got to Do With it?, I already have two beautiful girls from a previous marriage, and even though this is Mark’s first baby, we were really hoping to have a son. We had two main reasons, one was of course the fact that I already had two girls and wanted a son. The other reason was that to me, a son would leave less room for jealousy and favoritism.

So, we attempted all the methods to increase our chances for a boy, and even had most of the old wives sex predictions come out boy. Mark was so convinced that we were having a boy that he was not even going to consider it might be a girl. Boy, did he set himself (and me) up for failure.

It took the tech quite a while to get the baby and the scanner to line up right with it’s sex parts. But as she narrowed in on the area I noticed the tell tale sign I had seen before – the hamburger. Right then the tech said, “OK, I can see it now, it’s a girl!”  OH BOY.

My heart sank. It’s not that I was not excited to have another sweetheart, but it meant for me that this was it. This was my last baby, my last chance to have a son, and it was at that moment the dreams and ideas of our son had died.

I tried to keep it together while we went out of lunch, but at home I broke down and cried as Mark listened and become my rock as he always does. We both agreed that as shocking as it was, we knew there was always a 50/50 chance. We also realized that although we were sad about not having a son, this did not mean we weren’t happy to welcome our third daughter.

I wrote a post on one of the mom’s boards about it and of course lots of moms chimed in who were in similar situations. That helped to know I wasn’t the only one feeling sad, and that it was natural.

Today I woke up with a better attitude and came up with five things that made me feel better:

  1.  My closest and dearest friend just had a baby boy, so I can live vicariously through her, and spend time with him.
  2.  I will be writing a letter to my baby girl to explain how much I love her regardless of her not being a boy, and explain the situation so when she’s older she can read it. I would hate for her to hear from her sisters or reading my blog that mommy was sad and for her to misunderstand that as me not wanting or loving her.
  3.  I get to buy all new clothes since I had long ago gave away all the girls clothes. We went shopping today and got some really cute outfits.
  4.  Someday Mark and I may adopt a boy.
  5.  Since I have 3 girls its very likely that I will have grandchildren (more likely than if I had boys) and one of them may be a grandson.

Even as I write this, I honestly can say that I am starting to come to terms with having another girl. I cannot wait to meet her and see what an amazing little person she will become, as I already know she will be special.


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